Rewind to three weeks ago- I was in London, at home and I was miserable. I was riddled with guilt, hatred for the world and so incredibly lost. I asked myself why did I feel like this? Why was I so angry at everything? Why was I struggling to do normal everyday things? And why was I riddled in guilt every time I did catch myself feeling happy?
Everyone grieves differently, but for me, I wasn't doing that at all and it was eating me up inside. I've lost family members before and I've handled the loss of a loved one very well but losing my nan didn't feel real to me till nine months after she passed away. I had a new job at the time so that was probably a massive factor in why I subconsciously postponed grieving, and once that job was finished I didn't have anything to distract me from how quiet my life away from work had become.
I have gone through some of the stages of grief- denial, anger, and depression, though I have yet to accept the reality of this all completely. I suppose accepting you've lost someone for good is the hardest step. I also noticed that once I stopped working, I was fatigued and that wasn't the normal full-time job tiredness I was so used to. I realise now that I became quite numb as a coping mechanism and subconsciously tried to not give in to my emotions. And with all those grief symptoms I couldn't think of anything better to do other than get out of London and process everything.
Hello Denmark- The small town of Nyborg where my boyfriend lives made the perfect location to lie in bed, not socialise and finally breath. I can't express how amazing it has been to do that and not have the hustle and bustle of a big city ringing in my ear and distracting me away from what I should have been prioritising. I got out of the house a little but mostly stayed in bed watching Netflix and eating pizza which may sound like bliss for some but was strange for me as my attention span is short and my diet is usually healthier than frozen pizzas. A change of activities to my normal lifestyle did help though and with my boyfriend there for when I did want company I wasn't isolated completely.
Im back in London now though and asking myself how do I now feel after three weeks away?
This break wasn't going to magically stop me from hurting or make me forget my loss but I have realised self-care is most important when grieving so my little break abroad is nothing I'm ashamed of doing. I'm in no way done grieving and as there's no time frame to how long grief lasts, I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this. Through researching ways to cope I have read that it's important, to be honest with family. So that's my next step. I wish I had known sooner that I never had to put on a brave face to protect my family through this. I have also been thinking of activities I can do to help carry on my grieving process and one thing that comes to mind is writing letters to my nan and keeping them. There's so much I wish my nan was here to see. This year has brought so many new changes for me that I wish I had my nan's opinions on. In the past, I have spoken out loud to those I've lost as if they're still here with me but talking to my nan hasn't worked as well and if anything I've felt more alone in those moments with no replies. So perhaps writing instead and keeping the letters so I can look back on them will help in later years. As for any other reflective thoughts and future plans, I don't think I have any. I'm in no way an expert on this type of thing, I've lost three relatives in my life but each time my grieving process has been different. I can't say I can give much advice on the matter but I have found some useful tips online that I'll link below for anyone else going through similar to me.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
https://articles.extension.org/pages/9037/loss-and-grief-activities-to-help-you-grieve
https://fitbottomedgirls.com/2019/09/5-mindful-ways-to-move-through-grief
Id also like to thank my parents and boyfriend for their support and understanding while I was away.
If you have any tips of your own or would like to share your own grief story feel free to leave a comment below.
Im back in London now though and asking myself how do I now feel after three weeks away?
This break wasn't going to magically stop me from hurting or make me forget my loss but I have realised self-care is most important when grieving so my little break abroad is nothing I'm ashamed of doing. I'm in no way done grieving and as there's no time frame to how long grief lasts, I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this. Through researching ways to cope I have read that it's important, to be honest with family. So that's my next step. I wish I had known sooner that I never had to put on a brave face to protect my family through this. I have also been thinking of activities I can do to help carry on my grieving process and one thing that comes to mind is writing letters to my nan and keeping them. There's so much I wish my nan was here to see. This year has brought so many new changes for me that I wish I had my nan's opinions on. In the past, I have spoken out loud to those I've lost as if they're still here with me but talking to my nan hasn't worked as well and if anything I've felt more alone in those moments with no replies. So perhaps writing instead and keeping the letters so I can look back on them will help in later years. As for any other reflective thoughts and future plans, I don't think I have any. I'm in no way an expert on this type of thing, I've lost three relatives in my life but each time my grieving process has been different. I can't say I can give much advice on the matter but I have found some useful tips online that I'll link below for anyone else going through similar to me.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
https://articles.extension.org/pages/9037/loss-and-grief-activities-to-help-you-grieve
https://fitbottomedgirls.com/2019/09/5-mindful-ways-to-move-through-grief
Id also like to thank my parents and boyfriend for their support and understanding while I was away.
If you have any tips of your own or would like to share your own grief story feel free to leave a comment below.
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